Well, maybe not every office, but plenty have their fair share of these types. Do you know one of these? If you don’t, you may be one yourself. Don’t worry, there is help for you: HR.
1) the passive aggressor
This person won’t ever complain directly about anything.These are the kind of people who leave anonymous notes asking everyone to please clean up after themselves. They also like to post vague statuses about others on Facebook. If they sigh loudly, do not respond. You will be met with an ‘oh I’m fine’ response.
2) The idea thief
They are a walking lesson on why you don’t share your ideas with others. They are the idea thief, snatcher of thoughts, stealer of inspiration. They slink up to your desk, just ‘wondering’ what you’re working on, have a ‘friendly’ chat and a week later, they are being praised for something you have spent months toiling over.
3) The kitchen polluter
Some people must not have a sense of smell. This person eats fish in the office, they leave coffee spillage on the surfaces, they don’t wash up and they let their food develop colonies in the fridge. You often wonder if they were raised by wolves.
4) The chat trap
You see them approaching the water cooler and suddenly you aren’t thirsty anymore, because if you are caught by them, you will be lost forever and your children will end up being raised by wolves.
5) The escape artist
They say they have excellent management skills, that’s probably because they manage to get everyone else to do their work for them. You will see them running out of the door at exactly 5pm.
6) The biological warzone
You wish that they would just take a day off. It seems every week there is a newer, deadlier strain of cold and they are more than happy to share it with the entire team. It’s like they are just using their day job to experiment on us all and actually they are sending their findings back to the government so that they can create super colds, thus defeating their enemies with a bad case of the sniffles.
7) The constant itch
This person is possibly the most infuriating of the people in your office. They eat loudly, they talk loudly, they tap their pen, they whistle, they breathe loudly, their phone rings during work hours… Even their chair is noisy. They hum off-key. Their very existence is that of nails on a chalkboard. You notice that everyone else in their immediate vicinity has headphones plugged in all day.
8) The socialist
They want to hold a meeting. Every. Single. Day. They spend more time in meetings than they do breathing and you dread looking in your calendar and seeing the invite pop up. What is this meeting for now? The printer needs more ink? Can’t we just buy more ink? Who’s approval do we need to buy more ink? Can’t we just email them? No, apparently we cannot.
9) The gossip
This is the last person you want around when you are having a crisis because in about 30 seconds, the entire office will know. They live for drama and celebrity magazines. You will find them by the printer, whispering with their co-conspirators and buzzing with excitement over that new thing that celebrity is or isn’t doing.
10) The micro-manager
Are they a sociopath? Only they seem to enjoy seeing you suffer a whole lot. They not only want all of the things done, but they also want to tell you exactly how to do it. They want reports, then they want reports of the reports. The micro manager loves bureaucracy. Are you sure you are doing your job well enough? Are you? Because they know better. There is nothing worse to a micro manager than someone who does their job in their own way. The nail that sticks out must be hammered down and you are that nail, Tim. You are that nail.
Do you work with any of these people? Have I missed anyone out? Let me know in the comments.
– Blog post by Jess Brown, self identified kitchen polluter (was raised by wolves).
I work for Invicta Linux, Business specialists in Data, Security & Communications. If you would like to know more about Open Source alternatives, give us a call on: 033020201389 or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org